babyTrekker story of the month

Love Story

2012-02-12T20:11:00.000-08:00

February is the month for stories of the heart. If you’ve ever set sail on the ship of love, you’ll recall the intensity, the pain and the wonder of it all. Yet ask any new parent about first holding their newborn, and they will tell you of a connection so deep, it makes everything else pale in comparison. And so nature planned it.

Why else would we willingly deprive ourselves of free time for the next decade, face an avalanche of poopy diapers, or walk the floor at 3 in the morning while singing old Barry Manilow tunes, which is the only thing your tired brain can produce and which strangely enough seems to help. This is truly God and biology at work. It amazes me even now how those tiny dictators have us hopping to attention, all the while keeping a firm grip on our hearts.

And how does this explain that other love story; the grandparent? Just when the kids have left home, the dog has gone to doggy heaven, and retirement looms like a sweet promise on the horizon, along comes the first grandchild. Even if a parent is unprepared, and the grandparents are in shock, still, a new chapter in the book of love is written. And this one is a blockbuster. Plans fly out the window in the face of this new being. Grandparents are as helpless as parents in resisting this tiny force of nature. I hear grandparents say all the time, “You enjoy them, and then you send them home.”

But they don’t! The grandparents that I know, including my own parents and in-laws, give up many weekends to care for their grandchildren, and most seem happy to do it. It’s like an angel appeared with a trumpet and shouted, “Let the endless giving of time, love, and energy begin again!” But that's not how it feels, because love never drains your batteries. It charges you up instead.

I remember when our oldest was a year old, and she threw up in the middle of the night. I immediately called my parents, who came running over (though my mother is a nurse and should have known better.) We all watched over Hilary like she was a time bomb ready to go off, and when she simply fell asleep on the living room floor, we all breathed a sigh of relief. “That was a close one.” No, it really wasn’t. And of course, it happened time and again, though we all learned to panic less often. The love was there, always, and the time given, with my mother taking turns walking the floor with her 16 grandchildren, and even traveling with my sister to conferences, walking around cities wearing her grandsons in the babyTrekker. When I was feeling overwhelmed, my parents and in-laws would come over and hold my babies while I did housework.

Love signs us up; we have no choice in the matter. So this February, which many consider the month of love, I salute and give thanks for grandparents, who give their hearts over and over again, along with their time, energy, and money passed under the table to grandchildren.

Best Year Ever

2012-01-13T17:35:00.001-08:00

2012. Two thousand twelve. It doesn't matter how I write it, I love the look and sound of the new year. Never mind the Mayans or anyone else who has a bad word to say about it. I have a good feeling about this one. For the first time ever, I've been able to write cheques and letters without putting the wrong year down.

I've got my resolutions in order, both personal and business. This year, we'll celebrate our 23rd year in business. That's a lot of babyTrekkers. Thanks to all our former and present customers for your letters, photos and funny stories. I've been blessed by all of you. There is something wonderful about having a business that connects a person to others around the planet. I love that fact that people on every continent have worn and loved the babyTrekker. For those of you unfamiliar with our Canadian carrier, let me give you a few facts.

The babyTrekkers are made with love and care, one at a time. We purchase our organic cotton through an American company, use American made buckles and foam. Everything else, including the manufacturing, comes from Canada. We pay attention to the details, and we like to get things right. If we don't, we make it right for our customers who somehow, over the years, have come to feel like old friends.

This is the year that I celebrate you, the customer. I salute you, my friends, for undertaking the precious, overwhelming and ongoing task of parenting. I honor your quest to be the best mom and dad you can be, and for making a place for the babyTrekker in your family's story. I pray that this is the best year ever, for you, for me, for all of us who share this amazing planet. God bless you all and have a great 2012.

But We're Really Selling Steak

2011-11-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Those of you fortunate enough to live in Canada, (smile) may be familiar with a CBC radio program called Q. I'm in love with the host, Jian Gomeshi, and I can safely say that since my husband almost never reads my blog. There's something alternately sexy and soothing about his voice. I'm not the only one who thinks so. I've heard movie stars and rock bands gush endlessly about it. I could go on and on, (I love you, Jian. Passionately!) but that's not really what this blog is about.
Last week, he interviewed a guest that was promoting his own book on advertising. I can't remember the name, or the title of the book, but it was about the art of wooing, and perhaps deceiving the customer. From a warm vanilla fragrance in a men's store to Justin Beiber's song choices, it was all about the sizzle of the sell. It got me thinking.

I've been in business since 1989. I've placed a lot of ads from then until now, though my favorite is still the first one, where I posed the question, 'Do you have a rendezvous with destiny, or are you just trying to make it through the day?' I had no focus group, except my five sisters and one brother, so I just went with it. I wanted to reach the parents that were like me, living on the edge, trying to survive a fussy baby and retain a form of sanity at the same time. Some may question my first brochure that boldly proclaimed 'The best baby carrier in the world.' It was my husband's idea, and I freely blame him now that I've seen the show Elf. Will Farrell goes into a coffee shop and says to the immigrant owners, "You've done it! Wow, congratulations! You have the best coffee in the world!" This, after seeing it on the front of the shop.' It never occurred to me that we were setting ourselves up to be mocked by Will Farrell. (though it would be very good advertising.) We figured, why not just tell the truth, as we see it? So we did.

In the early nineties, we sold a combination purse/backpack for busy mothers. The slogan we used was 'ashamed to be seen with the old bag?' Later, this was pointed out to me as being extremely sexist towards women, so we didn't use it anymore. To equal things up, I could have changed it to 'old bugger,' but then it wouldn't have made sense.

My favorite ad ever was made into a poster for the stores that sold our product. Vin Diesel had just worn the babyTrekker in the movie 'The Pacifier.' We got a poster from the movie, added the words "The babyTrekker available here, Vin Diesel not included, and sent them out. The stores and customers loved them. Later, we realized that Disney had actually not given their permission, so we took them down. My apologies to both Vin Diesel and the rich people who own Disney studios. And thanks for using our carrier.

My next favorite ads were made in 2007, which we called 'The Year of the Bond.' One of them is on the homepage at www.babytrekker.com right now. The caption was 'The only girl invited to boy's night out.' It featured a local pharmacist, Cory, and his second baby daughter. There was a number of friends there, and I think it was the Grey Cup football game that they were watching. It was such a fun shoot, and the baby loved the attention. She also loved the game, as you can see from our poster. We did two other ones of another friend, Chad Plamondon, at the laundry mat with his baby Isobel. The caption was 'Does laundry, Loves to Dance.' His wife Cara kept saying, 'and he does!' Our other one was the same guys from the first poster with my friend Jenna's baby held by yet another pharmacist, Dennis Fancy. The guys are playing poker, and the slogan was 'You gotta know when to hold 'em.' Not all the stores put the last one up, figuring it promoted gambling. Not.

Presently, we have no advertising budget. Our carriers are made in Canada, so that explains that, ( since you probably know about the high cost of absolutely everything.) However, I am encouraged by another form of advertising called 'word of mouth.' Because, no matter how much fun we have with our ads, nothing has ever been as successful for us as the enthusiasm, cajoling and outright preaching of our babyTrekker customers. I even had an order from a woman who was about to buy a carrier in Walmart when she was hauled out to the car of a complete stranger so that she could try on the woman's babyTrekker. Now that's what I call commitment. Thank you, dear babyTrekker customers. Many of you have returned so many times and purchased so many carriers for others, that you feel like a friend. So, Judith Vogel of New York, New York, I wasn't kidding, the last time we spoke. I really am going to come for tea some day soon.

2011-10-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the hardest thing to do when you're writing a blog or raising a child is to come up with new ideas. As a writer, I find that the well occasionally runs dry. But it has never panicked me as much as it did when raising my babies. Sometimes the littlest things would become so big in my mind.

My first daughter Hilary was disinterested in solid foods. (This was not the first thing I stressed over.) She was nine months old, still nursing, and couldn't care less about trying anything else. I didn't bother her with that cardboard tasting food that they used to call pablum, or with rice cereal. Instead, I made small tasty meals that were baby sized and safe from all possible choking hazards. I tried feeding her in the high chair, in my lap, in my husbands lap and everywhere that a baby almost into toddler hood would consider interesting. But there was nothing I could do. And then one day, at around nine and a half months, she just started to eat. She wanted regular food like my husband and I were eating, but very mashed up. And it was really no big deal, after all. For a couple of days I felt like sending out proclamations to the newspapers, my own personal tidings of great joy. After a few more days, it came to seem like no big deal.

That's the way it is almost all the time, I realized. You sweat about so many things and then they just happen anyway. The lesson for me was to trust nature and my own child's instincts. Our next child, Michelle, didn't get teeth until she was around a year old. She started eating solids around seven months and had no more problems with it than any other baby. She loved to eat and enjoyed a lot of texture, so things couldn't be too mushy for her.

My third daughter Mari is the one that I really need to hang my head in shame over, regarding her introduction to solid foods. It happened shortly before she was six months old. Based on my other children's experiences, I wasn't worrying about introducing solids at all. I was out for dinner with my sisters, and Mari was parked in a high chair at my side. She had really good muscle control and had been sitting up for a while. We'd passed her around the table and everybody had held her, but it was time for us to eat. The toys I gave her weren't making her happy, so I took a piece of garlic bread from the basket and gave it to her to suck on. (My head hangs in shame as I write) It was crazy, because she could have choked, and really, all that butter couldn't have been good for her. But she was really happy, her face all shiny, wearing big gummy smile. We ate in peace. She started eating solids legitimately, just a few weeks later. Would I make that choice again? Absolutely not. And yet, it all seems to have worked out.

Things have a way of doing that, so there's no point making a big deal out of small problems. Because there's lots of parenting stress ahead and its no use making stuff up, unnecessarily. Try to enjoy the ride, and don't look over your shoulder too much at the mistakes you've made. There's more ahead of you, I promise. Happy parenting.

That's a Good Thing

2011-09-19T08:41:00.000-07:00

One of the trickier parts of being a parent is learning when to hold on, and when to let go. After using the babyTrekker every single day for over a year, the time came when my youngest, one year old Mari,wanted to walk everywhere. She'd point at the ground, or she'd look in my eyes, taking my face in her hands as if to say, listen to me. And at that moment, I really didn't want to.

If you are a parent like me who does everything in a hurry, this stage is a hard one. During the slow strolls down to the park, walking at a snails pace behind her, I felt like this tiny blonde child had become my own personal dictator. Mari absolutely loved being in the babyTrekker. She spent hours a day there while I worked on my business, cleaned the house and went on outings with the family. I'd designed the babyTrekker just for the purpose. And here she was, slowing me down, almost halting me in my tracks. She had a way of looking back at me, a little grin that seemed to tell me I'd be okay. I'd get through this stage just fine. And I did, of course. I learned to live in the moment, (which Oprah later told me is a good thing.) After a few weeks, Mari was happy to go in the babyTrekker again, though she preferred to play independently inside the house, most of the time. And here (again with Oprah!) was my big aha moment.

By listening to my baby, I learned some things along the way. Like the fact that slowing down was actually good for me. And that respecting Mari as an individual who knew what she needed would prepare me for all the changes that would come as our children grew up. It translates well to moments when your pre-teen gives you 'the look.' Parents of teenagers, please smile knowingly.

The first times it happens is a shock because, let's face it. For at least the first eight years of their childhood, mom and dad are the most important people in the world. 'The look' is their way of saying, 'Put me down. I can walk by myself.'

This is especially true for 'mother knows best' types like me. We need to raise children who are independent, for both our sakes. Oprah also used to say, that we should believe what people tell us about themselves. This is especially true of our children. Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean that you quietly whisper 'alright' when your two year old wants to tour the neighborhood alone and naked (Mari) or that your fifteen year old has your approval on all her decisions. Hearing them is a completely different thing.

Sometimes they may not be proclaiming their independence. Sometimes what they really want is for someone to hold them tight, to let them know that our love is unconditional. When we send them that message, what we're really saying is 'you're good to go.' And if we've listened carefully over the years and they know that they've been heard, then that's what they do.

Holding On For Dear Life

2011-09-11T21:24:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, my dad turned eighty-six years old. We held a small family party for him at our house, which is a little trickier than it used to be, because he can't walk. We had dinner in the garden, rolling his chair down the brick path and right up to the table. It was a treat for all of us, because we usually have to visit him at the nursing home where he lives.

It's hard for me to imagine that a time will come when dad won't be here anymore. We're just so comfortable together. We hug and kiss each other goodbye every single day. Even the switch in our roles has been an easy, if poignant, transition. Many of the things that my father used to do for me as a child, I now do for him. I'll brush his hair, or wash his face with a warm cloth. I'll fetch him a sweater, or put his shoes on him. He's okay with it, too. We're in such a smooth routine, it almost allows me to deny the fact that someday, I'll have to let him go. It makes me want to hold onto him for dear life.

But life is all about letting go. From the time our children start to walk, they begin to proclaim their independence. After a few months of tottering around on shaky legs, all they want to do is to explore their world. They alternate between pushing you away and then clinging to you as if the house was on fire. It can make your head spin, this back and forthness of their growing up.

We are all, both young and old, in a constant state of change. It's not a comfortable thought for someone like me who doesn't enjoy transitions. But there is one way to make life stand still for a moment. And that is to just stop right in the middle of whatever you're doing, and look around you. Pay attention to what's happening, and realize that this is your life moving along, small moment by small moment.

Whether you're just growing up or busy raising children, it can feel like it's taking forever. But one day, you look back, and it seems that it only took about five minutes. And if we're lucky, we realize that all the little moments in our lives, like sitting around the supper table on a warm summer night, or helping a tired child get ready for bed, were the ones that were the most important in the end. And then it doesn't matter what you grew up to be, or if your child is a good athlete, or is terrible in math. What counts is that you have a precious chain of many moments, where you were fully aware that they were, and are, the blessings that make up a life.

When Nothing is Going the Right Way

2011-07-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

It's inevitable. There will come a time when you, the parent, will have a dark aha moment that slaps you right in the face. Secretly, you've known it all along. The truth is that sometimes there is no solution for your parenting problem. 'Dr. Do Right' has given you a multitude of solutions in his book, "How to Be the Perfect Parent Every Time." 'Nanny Knows It All' has demonstrated every stragetic move on her television show, "Loving Parent, Perfect Child."

And yet. Nothing that you've read or seen has helped your: biting toddler, screaming toddler, nursing all night baby/toddler who won't go to bed, train, stay dressed, get dressed... Well. You get the picture. The moment of truth usually dawns when dawn is, in fact, hours away. You lie there in the dark, feeling like a complete failure and wondering why everyone else seems to find parenting so easy.

The real truth is that no one finds it easy. There comes a time in everyone's life when the well of parenting wisdom runs dry. But here's the thing. As you lay curled in a weeping,sodden mess, huddling in the corner of your room and contemplating the disaster of your life, you need to realize something. Sometimes, you just have to wait. Ignore it. Forget about it. Pretend that it will all work out. Because that is the real truth. It will work out. Children grow up. Parents learn to accept the fact that life, like their little ones, is not perfect.

There are so many ways to do things right. Like sleeping together in the family bed. Or having baby in the co sleeper. Or in the (gasp!) crib placed in another room. Toddlers might toilet train at the age of two. Or four. Some kids might have a difficult time right into the school years. But eventually, they grow up.

There is one thing that will ensure long term success in your parenting efforts. Toni Morrison, the writer, nailed it when she asked Oprah's audience, "Does your face light up when your child walks in the room?" Because our faces tell our children the story of who they are every single day. And it should have nothing to do when they started pooping in the potty, or sleeping through the night. It shouldn't have anything to do with their report cards, or how they stack up against the other kids in soccer.

Does your face light up when they walk in the room? Do they see their bright, shiny, starry beloved selves reflected in your eyes? If they do, then here is the good news. You will see your bright and shiny self glowing right back. And you'll know that even when nothing seemed to be moving in the right direction, you were going that way all along.

Avoidance Behavior at its Best

2011-06-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

A unique situation that verges on a strange type of illness flares up within me every summer (at least, since I've become an adult.) It started long before I had children, though having babies definitely made the symptoms a little worse. Starting in mid spring I begin to feel overwhelmed by the approach of summer. Most of my friends and neighbors long for this, their favorite season. They can't wait to lie out on the patio, a cool drink in hand, a book or magazine flopped to one side of the chair as they gaze lazily at the sky. This image gives me nightmares, frankly, which tend to start right around the end of May. Why? you may ask with honest astonishment. Because the summer creates in me a fierce need to do absolutely everything. I must have a wonderful garden, an incredible vacation, maximum time with family, freshly painted items and/or fabulous garage sale nick nacks arranged artfully around the yard. If I'm not on high alert, having the best time of my frantic life, then I feel that I'm wasting the precious few months of warm weather.

I have learned some calming techniques, but the best one came along with the babyTrekker. When in doubt about what to do, go for a walk. Don't think about the messy house, the unweeded garden, the new plants languishing in their pots. Strap that baby on and head outside. If its raining, invest in one of those $2.00 plastic ponchos, cut the front low enough for the baby, and head into the rain. Walk briskly and inhale deeply. Wonderful things will start to happen in your brain. Endorphins begin their happy dance and sanity returns, allowing perspective on EVERYTHING. Because there is no agenda, or chaos, or reason to feel anxious on that beautiful/rainy/snowy day. This life is a gift, and nature has tied it up for us in beautiful ribbons of greenery and sunshine, of bees and butterflies. John Lennon said that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. It also happens when you're busy being stressed out about unimportant things. Easy for a parent to do. So let it go, and don't force yourself to make one more decision. When life feels sour and demanding, head outside and get moving. Mother nature is waiting with open arms and no expectations at all.

Happy Birthday, Dearest Claire

2011-05-13T13:11:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it. On May 14th, it will be a year since you came into my world. Let's forget for a moment about the minor players in this drama, like your mom and dad, and focus on the important characters: Grandpa and me. I should say, Coach and ______ because I have yet to be named. My husband decided to name himself and his children all agree that the moniker fits.

I am content to be Grandma, but no. Apparently, the name will be come to you, just as my mother's nickname, 'Mimi' came to your mom when she was a year old. The name has lasted through sixteen grandchildren and 27 plus years. It was a great fit. Your mama, Hilary, desperately wants "Mee Maw" for me, but then, she has a sly sense of humor. (I apologize to all the Mee Maws out there, but it just doesn't feel right.) I think that I'll wait for my official title. When it comes from you, Claire, I know it will be perfect.

Now that you're turning one, things are going to change a little. Many of your biggest fans will stop saying how wonderful it is that you're still nursing. Some will ask, "when is she going to wean?" Others will just stare disapprovingly. I'm with you, Claire, whatever you decide. Of course, I'm in the race for favorite grandparent, so that is to be expected.

Diaper changes might be a little different, now that you're passing this important milestone. Instead of having your chubby feet kissed and your belly rubbed, you may overhear your parents arguing, "You do it, No you do it." Grandma would fill in happily, just to spend time with you.

You may overhear remarks from rude people about your slightly curly, eighties style mullet. You totally rock that look, Claire. Wear it proudly. Remember that to Grandma and the Coach, you are the most beautiful little girl that ever wobbled on two feet. Don't be discouraged when the minute you accomplish something wonderful, like learning to walk, complete strangers start asking if you're 'trained.' Ignore them. Also ignore the worried looks on your parent's faces when they hear those words. You'll see those expressions every now and again, over things that aren't very important. Parents don't realize it at the time, though. Just grandparents do.

Have a wonderful first birthday, Claire Margaret Faktor. I'm sorry I can't be there with you in Calgary, but I'll see you soon. You'll know me when you see me. I'll be the one with the goofy smile and the outstretched arms.

Taking Care of the Mother

2011-04-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

Nobody works harder than a mother. Nobody. I know that there are fathers out there juggling work and family, trying to put food on the table, while, well, putting food on the table. But in my experience, most of the in depth, intricate dance of managing self, family, partner and work is done by women.

I guess that's why we call our little blue planet Mother Earth. Because nobody works harder than her. And her kids? They're always fighting, making big messes and not cleaning up after themselves. We (her offspring) will not even allow her time to fix herself up. We're too busy buying things and throwing them out to make room for more. Not that there's a lot of room left. The pile of our discards is growing by leaps and bounds...just check the floating island of plastic in the Pacific Ocean. We see ourselves as responsible and well deserving consumers. We forget about the affect of all that accumulation.

Imagine everyone on the planet with their own cell phone. That would be almost seven billion units. Now imagine that they get changed every three years because the plan allows an upgrade. That's the kind of mess that could push a Mother over the edge. And when you add in everything else that we buy...

Maybe its time to take care of the Mother for a change. On Earth day, or any other, make a decision to cut back on frivolous spending. Tidy things up a little by taking a walk and picking up litter. Boycott corporations who treat the Mother badly. Let them know you're doing it.

Our Mother has worked hard enough. Its time for all her kids to grow up. And let's start by showing a little gratitude.

When Nothing is Going Right

2011-03-16T07:43:00.000-07:00

If you're a mom with young children, a bad day often starts with a lousy sleep. Or no sleep at all. Whether the baby is teething or the kids have thrown up all over your bed,the outcome is usually the same. The dominoes start to fall. You can't get anything done. Everyone is cranky. Your throat is sore, the laundry's piling up, and its snowing/raining/storming. You start to question the meaning of your life. How did I end up here? Why did I move here, buy this house, marry this man? (Just kidding, honey.) It's very easy to get down on yourself, on those no good, very bad days.

The solution that I came up with when my children were young still works for me today. (Sadly, women continue to have bad days from time to time, even when their children are grown. I know! It sucks.) The thing is, I have to remind myself that it works. Here it is. Unless the weather is so cold that skin will freeze in under thirty seconds, go outside. Bundle the baby, the kids and yourself up warmly, especially if you're not feeling well. Grab your baby Trekker and/or the sleigh, and go for a brisk walk. Even if its just ten minutes, it will change the direction of your day. It works even better if you can drop in on someone, but that's not always an option.

I don't know why, but there is something about dragging yourself and the kids around in really bad weather that makes your house feel like a haven, instead of a prison. Going out for a car ride is okay, but it doesn't work quite as well. Probably because you just end up shopping and then everyone has even more reason to be tired and cranky. But ten to twenty minutes of cold/wet air blasting your face, well. It just seems to hit the spot.

If today is one of those days, make like Nike, and just do it. Maybe your day will do a 360, and maybe it won't. But I can guarantee that it will be a lot better than it was before. I'd love to hear from you, so let me know how it goes. And no, I'm not talking about the spammers who leave long Chinese messages in the comment section. You deserve a sleepless night. But for the rest of my excellent readers and customers, have a wonderful, not so balmy March outing, and an amazing day.

One More Thing I Know for Sure

2011-02-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

One of the things I like best about being in my fifties is that I feel like I finally know who I am. I know my likes and dislikes, my good qualities and my faults. So it came as a surprise to me, just yesterday, when I had to face an uncomfortable truth about myself. For years I've proclaimed to family and friends that I would love to have one more day with my children as the babies they were. I would just sit all day and hold them. I'd rock them, nurse them, and kiss their little necks. I'd play games and make them laugh. It would be wonderful to be back in that time when all they wanted was to be in my arms.

The new revelation came about this way. My daughter has been visiting for a few weeks with her nine month old baby girl. Claire has not been without her mom except for play periods with dad in the early morning. But Claire grew very comfortable with us, and Hilary thought she'd be okay for an hour while she went for a well deserved massage.

She was more than okay, and we had a wonderful time. Her grandpa was still at school, so it was just the two of us. I read her some books, and we played on the floor. As we spent time together, though, I found myself looking at the piles of laundry and the junk that had accumulated in the living room. Through the open bedroom door, I could see my unmade bed and clothing scattered on the floor, making it look like the room belonged to hoarders. (or my teenage self.)

I couldn't stand it a moment longer, so I grabbed a babyTrekker (I have a few around here) and popped Claire on my back. My kids liked facing out, but she likes facing in. It didn't take me long to figure out that she likes a lot of singing and chatting when she's being carried. In about fifteen minutes time I'd tidied the living room, made my bed and put away a bunch of clothes. I was filled with a euphoric sense of well being as I realized that I was recreating my life with my own babies. And then the bubble burst.

I saw that, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't just sit in the chair and rock. I wouldn't while away the hours just playing with my baby. Because, I realized, I'm just too hyper to sit still that long. Its why I designed the babyTrekker in the first place. I hated that 'stuck' feeling of being in a messy house and feeling tied to the chair. And what I hated even more than a messy house was, and is, a sad baby or toddler. We have a no cry policy in our extended family, which means that we do whatever we can to keep baby happy. It's common knowledge now that infants whose needs are met are less likely to experience depression. I'm glad that science is backing it up, but in truth, I could no more let a baby cry than I could kick a dog.

Time with my granddaughter is precious, especially since she lives so far away. I love to make her laugh. I kiss her neck, and hold her in her favorite standing position while she checks out the goodies on the coffee table. But I'm still the same person, and after awhile, I'll pop her in the carrier and we'll boogie around the house together. That's who I am. See? Now that I'm in my fifties, I have it all figured out.

What We Do for Love

2011-01-14T07:08:00.001-08:00

My mother in law fell and broke her hip a few weeks ago, and she will probably be in the hospital for quite some time. I know that this is not unusual for a senior of eighty-five. But it's very hard to see her lying there, a tiny little scarecrow of a woman, clutching my hand and telling me that she's ready to go. I hold her hand just as tightly, asking her to please try harder. Please stay. I feel like a child who is lost in the woods, when I picture my life without her. When I got married thirty-five years ago, I never realized that she would become so precious to me.

I've heard it said that love takes many forms. Maybe that's why we don't always recognize it for what it is. In the early days of my business, my mother started showing up at my door unexpectedly. She'd pack Trekkers into boxes and then into crates for shipping. She'd clean off the lunch table (the blessings of a home business!) and answer the phone at the same time. She made herself indespensible, and didn't want to be paid for her work. I finally had to bar the door to her until she gave in.

My first trade show with the babyTrekker, aside from local events, was in Dallas, Texas. Two of my sisters came with me, along with my oldest daughter, Hilary. It was a lot of work, and plenty of fun. All of my sisters (five!)and my only brother have helped me in some way with my business, from the sewing in the early days, to figuring out various wearing positions, to manning the booths or modelling the babyTrekker in photos and demo videos. It sounds easy, but it wasn't. It meant time sacrificed and their own plans put on hold, many times over.

One day when I had a particularly large order to deliver, my inlaws, my mom and dad and other family members came over and started packing. It took hours to get that order ready. When I look back, I remember how much fun we had. I also remember the sacrifices that my family made for me. Friends also helped out from time to time. My La Leche League family was a strong source of support, especially the O'Brien family.

Small businesses don't just happen because one person gets an idea. It's like the popular saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Well, it takes a lovely, supportive community to get a business going as well. The people in my town have been amazing when it came to helping me get started. From the staff at Canada Post, to our local Greenstone agency for small business, to the stores that have promoted our products and the Flin Flonners who strong arm others into trying the carrier. I hear it all the time from customers on the phone. "I met someone from your town and they said that I had to try the babyTrekker. It's the only one that works." I can't tell you how many times I've heard that story.

I've been thinking lately about all the things that we do to help each other out in life. As parents, we do everything that we can to make sure our children get the best start in life. Some of us go a little overboard (yes, Mari, I admit it) but it's only because we care! Action is the outlet for a parent's love, though sometimes staying quiet and allowing your child to figure things out for themselves is the best action of all. The thing is, when we do it right, then the next generation wants to return the favor. Love begets love. Kindness is a garden of good fruit, and the seeds gathered from it move from generation to generation. And finally, the things that we've done for others becomes the love that sees us through to the end.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...Really!

2010-12-20T11:35:00.000-08:00

The Christmas season has changed for me since I was a child. Back then, all I could think about was what present would be under the tree on Christmas morning. And did mom make my favorite cookies. I have pretty fond memories of those days, but there are things I like about growing older, too. For one, I'm not doing it alone. The friends and family that I started out with are traveling along side me, usually carrying the same baggage. Maybe there are financial pressures, health concerns, or more serious issues, like living with teenagers while going through menopause, (God bless them and keep them.) Some may be empty nesters running through their homes with literally naked abandon, screaming the song 'Freedom.' Others have their noses wistfully pressed to the window,eagerly awaiting their turn. Either way, we're all going in the same direction.

It's a good thing, this mutual parting of the ways between parent and child. Children figure out how to do things on their own, nag free. They make their own decisions, right or wrong, and live with them, happy that the choice is theirs alone.
Christmas time brings all the generations back together again. Sure, there are petty squabbles, and it can get a little complicated finding room for everyone. But that's the real gift of Christmas. Being together again, and seeing all the changes in the children and in each other. Hugging parents who seem a little more frail each year. Standing arm in arm with loving siblings who have learned to say "wow!" when they see your new hair do, instead of 'What were you thinking?" Families are the best gift you'll ever get.
I remember watching Alec Baldwin during a Christmas episode of 30 Rock. He was bitter about his mother's ongoing relationship with an older, wealthy gentleman. As the episode continued, he realized that it had been the only way she had to get money to buy presents for Christmas. When Tina Fey's character asked him if they got any gifts, he choked up. "You couldn't see the floor," he said.

If our hearts are open, we can still see the gifts that we've received over a lifetime. When we try to count them one by one, we discover that there are many.
Our memories, whether happy or sad, are a gift. They are our Geographical Positioning System, pointing us to where we want to go in life. They remind us of all we seek to keep, and what we need to leave behind. Sift through them all, and count them. Hold onto the people you love, and be open to new loves and new experiences. Life has a lot of good things waiting for you in 2011. Next year at this time, if you count your blessings, I bet you'll find that they cover the floor.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah. I pray for God's blessing and peace on all the families all over the world.

2010-11-30T09:28:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make. I had a thousand ideas for this blog during the month of November, but due to taking part in the 'write a book in the month of November' craze (www.nanowrimo.org) I didn't get anything down on paper. Or screen, I should say. Trying to get fifty thousand words down in thirty days is a challenge for anyone. It was even crazier for my oldest daughter Hilary, mother to six months old Claire.

I was in the city of Calgary for two weeks during November, and many days we wrote together while Claire was napping, or playing on the floor. In some ways it was easier for Hilary than for me, because time with my granddaughter is precious. I'd find my eyes straying from the screen to watch Claire putting everything she had into reaching a toy. She put more effort into five minutes of tummytime than I put during the whole nanowrimo experience.

Babies amaze me. It might look as if they're just goofing around. What's really happening, of course, is a whole lot of learning. Every part of their bodies, including their mouths, is used to explore their world. When Hilary wears Claire in the babyTrekker, she positions her according to her mood, and the time of day. If we were out shopping and she'd just napped in her carseat, then Hilary faces her outward. Though she has no context for what she sees, she looks around with a huge grin, engaged by other people's faces. After a while, when she's tired, Hilary turns her inward, and she gazes lovingly at her mother, patting her face with her little hand and making her little ba ba ba ba ba sounds. At home, Hilary wears her in the backpack position. She faces out if she's lively and chatting, and she faces in if she's tired, but doesn't want to nurse to sleep. I'm amazed by how much Hilary can do while wearing her daughter.

I wore Claire on my back one morning, hoping to give her mother a little extra rest. I was amazed at the language employed by a six month old. I swear she was even trying to sing along with the Christmas carols I had playing as I worked in the kitchen.
Something that took me a long time to figure out was the fact that, as much as we teach our babies, if we're listening, they will teach us so much about being better parents. They use sounds and facial expressions to convey their level of comfort. They let you know when they're tired of laying on the floor, or bouncing in the exersaucer. If you're not picking up the signals they're giving, eventually they cry. You figure out that they're not happy and need a change. Mostly they just want you, the mother, and in time, their dad too.

Crying is a last resort for most babies. I think of it as an early form of cursing, and I tried hard as a parent not to allow it to happen any more than I could help. The babyTrekker helps in many ways. When you spend lots of time with your baby, you become more alert to their cues. Most busy parents don't have all day to sit and gaze lovingly, so a good carrier becomes your best parenting tool. High chairs, bouncy seats and other diversions are great when you have to eat a meal (or write a book!) But wearing baby is a great way to stay tuned in. The added benefit is the clean house, or dinner on the table.
To all my Nanowrimo friends around the world, Congratulations on your big effort and hard work. To my customers, I wish you a cozy winter and Happy Trekking, as you parent your babies.

Happy 24th Birthday, babyTrekker!

2010-10-12T20:29:00.000-07:00

October 13th is the birthday of our second daughter Michelle, who was born at home on a sunny Thanksgiving morning, twenty-four years ago. I also consider October to be the birth month for the idea of the babyTrekker, though I didn't actually begin the design work for a couple more months. But like the baby that had grown inside me from a tiny egg, so it was with the Trekker. Coping with my fussy little baby and parenting my three year old daughter, Hilary, I remember praying desperately for SOMETHING. Some thing that would help me take good care of this little one who, with every cry, told me of her need for constant closeness. I remember wondering why the Creator hadn't given women more arms.

The first carrier I attempted looked much like a traditional mei tei. It had a rectangle body, with small indentations for legs. I'd heavily padded it and made wide shoulder straps and waist band, so that it was comfortable. But by the time Michelle was four months old, she was showing a definite preference for facing outward. I added safety straps that could narrow the area between her legs, just slightly, so she could sit comfortably, supported by the seat and the foam padding around the leg area.

I added a pocket, but it was initially a short one. My husband suggested making it longer, so that it could hold the Trekker when not in use. He also thought up the chest strap for securing the backpack position, though it was my sister Joni who first figured out that position and then taught it to me. Wearing the babyTrekker backpack style was a life saver with my next daughter, when I was busier than ever with three children and a thriving home business.

I don't think I've ever had better life lessons than when I was parenting my children. They taught me that there was always a way through hard times. That I was a problem solver, and a fairly creative thinker. Michelle introduced me to the virtue of patience, with which I hadn't had much previous experience.

Children sculpt us from the inside out. They're never really finished with us, (or so my mother says,) but the chipping away can leave us both stronger and more invaluable to all the people we love. If we're paying attention as the years go by, we might find that the only thing we've lost through the process is a narrow point of view. Each child invites us to look through their eyes at ourselves and the whole wide world around us. Thank you, my daughters,for that gift of clarity.

And Happy Birthday to my wonderful, twenty-four year old baby girl, AND the babyTrekker that you inspired.

Death and Pestilence Lov'n the Trekker

2010-09-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

In the last twenty-one years of business, I've received some pretty amazing feedback from customers regarding their use of the babyTrekker. One from the early years that stuck in my memory was a voice message left on my outdated, fuzzy sounding answering machine. My initial reaction was one of alarm, because all I could hear at first was a woman sobbing. Hard. I remember feeling a little faint as my mind filled with all kinds of dark scenarios. Having a fairly decent imagination, I had no trouble conjuring a picture of an erroneously fastened carrier worn at the top of the Eiffel tower. But no, as the message unwound, she began speaking, and my heart started beating again. Amidst her sobs, she began thanking me for "saving our marriage and our sanity." It turned out that she'd had a high need baby who could not be calmed. She and her husband would walk the floor with him late into the night, every night.

The arrival of the Trekker had a fairly dramatic affect on their little one. He became enchanted by the scenery in his neighborhood, and would fall asleep after a leisurely stroll around the block. Every night! This mysterious and grateful client did not leave her name, or her address. But I remember her last words. She was still crying as she said them. "I hope you get very, very rich," she wept, ending with a hiccuped thanks. I have always appreciated this sentiment. Though there was no genie obeying that particular wish, it's true that I'm rich with love. Which is the most lasting currency there is, especially in these hard times.

I remember a grateful letter from a dairy farmer whose little one made the milking rounds on her mother's back. She told me how empowered the carrier made her feel, as a mother, and as a farmer. This was also before email,and I cherished that hand written letter, for the time it took out of such a busy woman's day.

We've received letters from carpenters, lawyers, doctors, chiropractors, actors, dancers, and many more. The babyTrekker has been worn by people from all over the planet. From Flin Flon to New York. From Mongolia to Nunavut.

One of my favorite letters came in two parts; one from the purchaser and the other the receivers. 'J-Dogg," otherwise known as Jim, wanted to buy a babyTrekker for two people he'd met while playing a game at Astroempires.com. He didn't know them, but discovered that they were having a baby, and wanted them to have the same experience he did while wearing his sons. He wrote to me:

"It is such an excellent product! I wound up with a Major in Psychology at the Univ. of Man., and could easily suggest and support a major doctoral paper that the physical and psychological health benefits for both child and parents that result from using the Trekker would be measureable and significant. Really, it is science that should be used to promte the product as well as the joy and love that is generated :)" I agree, Jim.

The couple, who go by the handles, "Death" and "Pestilence" wrote this:

I got it in the mail and tore it open. Told my husband to stand still and geared him up without so much as finding the dvd. everything fit like a charm and once baby was in it... wow... I also wanted to mention that I have beyond severe spinal problems (tethered spinal cord plus I am missing 8% of the bones in my spine). For the moment I can carry Darius in the front position because he does not weigh much but I like the backpack option since it's more comfortable for me. But the 2 hour walk I was on with him in front, was almost painless considering my injuries. The weight was very nicely distributed. Kudos!
I hate sounding like those infomercial people but " My BabyTrekker is the BEST thing ever!!!!!!!!" insert overjoyed valley girl accent, despite the fact that I am french>
Again, thank you Judy for this wonderful liberation that you have made.

I have to say, when even death and pestilence are lining up to say good things, its time for all those neck binding, shoulder hurting, two positioned pure junk other carriers to say goodnight. Just kidding, but I have to admit, we in Trekker land are proud of our product.

If you love your babyTrekker, send me an email, or write to us at "I love my babyTrekker, on facebook. We love to hear from our customers!

2010-08-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

Grand baby Claire will be three months old next Friday. Besides being adorably cute and funny, she is connecting me to memories of her mother and sisters when they were babies. It's been a reality check for me. I'd always considered my first daughter to be my 'easiest' baby, but as she struggles with various mothering challenges, I'm remembering the reality of parenting her as a baby. From four to seven months of age, she would only nurse lying down. Not the end of the world, I know, but darned inconvenient while attending an out of town wedding or meeting new inlaws for the first time. Fortunately, I was able to trick her with a sneaky football hold, and we were once again able to sit up and nurse.

It's been a joy watching Claire grow from a newborn to a three month old. She recently graduated to the facing forward and the backpack position in the babyTrekker. The first time she faced out, her mother and I were walking through the neighborhood. Claire pumped her legs in excitement, scanning our neighbor's houses like an enthusiastic realtor. While discovering the world from the safety of her parents arms, this position also calms her down when she's overtired, and puts her to sleep in the evening.

The backpack position has proven invaluable, and I love watching mom talk and baby coo while working around the house. Claire loves to face out, but facing in works just as well for her. Our family recently took part in a weekend hockey tournament, and Claire attended her daddy and grandpa's games in the babyTrekker, seated facing out on her mother's lap. She watched the game for a while, her little face avidly scanning the rink and the other faces nearby. Then she quietly drifted off to sleep. I've been told that this seated position also works well on a plane.

One of the best things about seeing my daughter wear her baby in the Trekker, is knowing that she didn't have to design it. She only had to put it on. Those frantic evenings walking the floor with my second baby, Michelle, are seared into my memory. The babyTrekker began as a wistful thought, and grew into a determination to create something that would work for both of us. My day dream about the great carrier that would meet her needs and mine became a reality, over twenty-three years ago.

Many blessings to all the parents who walk the floor at nights with little ones, or who share yard work, or stroll through their neighborhoods on a warm evening. To Hilary and Bob, and to all of you who have made the babyTrekker such an important part of your family life; Happy Trekking.

Welcome to the World

2010-06-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

To Claire

May 14th was just another date on the calendar, until you chose it as your birth day. You and your mama worked so hard to get you here. Could you hear me cheering you on? Could you feel the tender hands of your father as he held your mother and rubbed her back, shouting with joy as you burst forth into the morning light? I remember your cries calming as your parents stroked you gently and exclaimed over you. I remember the gentle encouragement of Tobey and Moira, your midwives, as they helped you to nurse for the first time. How careful they were with your mother and you. How thankful I was to have them guiding your mother as she brought you into the world.

You are my daughter's daughter; the first born of my first born. You don't know me yet, but you are a part of me, and I am a part of you. I have no expectations of you, regarding who you will be. You are yourself, and even though you share your mother's eyes,your auntie's nose and your father's chin, you are unique to this world. I was privileged to witness the first chapter of your life, and I'm looking forward to all that is to come. Welcome to the world, Claire.

ps. I'm so glad that you love your babyTrekker.

New Information on Slings

2010-03-25T08:37:00.000-07:00

The juvenile product world is experiencing another product recall. Deep pocket slings, like the Infantino, may cause respiratory problems in babies under four months. According to the news, three babies have already died as a result. The sling product to avoid is one that puts the baby too far away from your face, making it hard to see what's happening. Also, if the baby is 'buried' under a lot of fabric, they may not be receiving enough fresh air. Another concern is the type of sling that puts the infant in a curve where their chin is forced to their chest, making it harder to draw in air. According to several blogging baby experts, if your baby is grunting, that may mean they're experiencing oxygen deprivation.

The goods news? There are lots of slings and carriers that hold baby high in a seated position with their face clear of the fabric. Check online with other parents and baby wearing advisers, but check for yourselves as well, and make sure that the sling or carrier that you are using meets that criteria.

While I'm on the subject, I do have a recommendation:) The babyTrekker newborn position seats baby facing inward, and there's plenty of room between your chest and your baby's face. Plus, you can see your baby easily. The carrier is open on the sides so lots of air flows between you. Go to wearing instructions on our website and follow the link to Youtube. Our two part instructional video shows the newborn position very clearly.

Notice that the seat is a comfortable width for your infant. Even when facing outward, your child stays in the seated position, their legs a comfortable distance apart. In essence, you become an easy chair for your baby, with their favorite person in the world attached! Every part of the carrier that touches your baby's body is soft and padded. The straps on your shoulders and waist are very padded as well, ensuring that you don't feel the presence of the buckles or snap hooks at all.

The babyTrekker allows your little one to sit in five positions. This versatility is a good thing, because babies like change. I would often start with my little one in the front, switch to the nursing position and then put her on my back. The backpack is especially useful for housework, gardening and hiking. All questions about the babyTrekker baby carrier may be directed to me, judy@babytrekker.com Happy Trekking!

There Must be Fifty Ways to Wear a Trekker

2010-02-09T08:12:00.000-08:00

When I first designed the babyTrekker (back around the time that dinosaurs roamed the earth) it was to help my second baby, Michelle, make sense of her world. Like a convict who'd been in the big house too long, she had a definite lack of appreciation for her new found freedom. 'You've got to be kidding me' was the look on her face for at least the first few months of life. And if I'm being completely honest, sewing that first carrier was as much for me as for her. Wearing Michelle in the babyTrekker empowered me. Maybe I couldn't solve every problem for her, but I could calm her down. Help her feel like the world wasn't such a bad place. She got to hang out near her favorite fast food place, and I got to Get Things Done.
Over the years, I've heard from lots of parents who have worn the Trekker to multitask. Some are too bizarre to mention. (see Linda? I told you I wouldn't tell) But here are a few of my favorites. The trekker has been worn by:

1. An orchestra conductor, during a large musical extravaganza
2. A dairy farmer who had a lot of cows to milk
3. A ballet choreographer
4. A young man who wanted to jump out of an airplane with his baby. (We talked him out of it.)
5. A man with no arms who was happy just to hold his baby.
6. A woman with twins whose husband worked away from town for weeks on end. (I designed an attachment just for her:)
7. A woman who rides the train through France, telling everyone on board how much she loves her babyTrekker. She's been doing this for about fifteen years now. Thanks, whoever you are.
8. A nun in Italy, who loves to hold her niece.
9. A hockey player for the Toronto Maple Leafs, (but not during games.)
10. An artist who paints with her baby on her back.
11. A musician who plays the bagpipes with his baby on his back...who wails louder, I wonder?
12. Thousands of mountain climbers, hikers, cross country skiiers, travellers of the world, and people like me, who just want to make it through the day.

Send me an email, judy@babytrekker.com and tell me your interesting babyTrekker story. I'd love to hear from you!

A New Direction

2009-12-06T18:53:00.000-08:00

This past October, we celebrated our 20th year selling the babyTrekker. The business started when I was pregnant with my third baby, and I can still remember talking to a customer on the phone, the night Mari was born. Home business + home birth = not much time off. In 1999,we moved into another building and I breathed a sigh of relief at all the extra space in our house. Now, ten years later, we are making another change.
As of December 1st, we will no longer be selling the babyTrekker in stores. They will be available for purchase only on our website, at www.babytrekker.com. This change was not undertaken without a great deal of thought. The fact is, it's become impossible for us to manufacture in North America using quality materials and paying good wages while offering our stores a wholesale price. And we are committed to manufacturing in Canada.
I will always be grateful to the boutiques that sold our carriers over the years. I encourage everyone who reads this blog to shop in these small, privately owned stores that foster creativity and entrepreneurship. These owners are willing to take chances on new products; something that doesn't usually happen in a chain or a big box store. And once a boutique decides to carry a product, the owner and staff work diligently to educate the consumer about its uses and benefits. There are a lot of wonderful ideas and products available for new parents, simply because privately owned stores gave them a home on their shelves.
If we as consumers don't support small businesses, the only goods available to us will be those designed and sold by large corporations. As the world becomes more and more 'Walmartized' privately owned boutiques across Canada will be closing their doors. Do we value the neighborhood store? Are we interested in supporting the creation of small businesses with great ideas? I think we are. But we have to vote with our feet, and our wallets. Because cheap, imported goods, displayed in row upon identical row, may end up costing us more than we realize.

A New Beginning

2009-11-01T11:32:00.000-08:00

November, in spite of its location near the end of the year, always feels like a beginning to me. Fresh snow hides the dead leaves and hibernating perennials and the northern Manitoba landscape falls asleep under a white winter blanket. The world is new again.
Seeing summer slip away is never easy, but the falling snow seems to wipe my slate clean, allowing me a fresh start. I feel at rest. Work and family life continue, but it's more contained as we move indoors. Everything seems a little easier. November is a good thinking month.
This fall our babyTrekker business is twenty years old. Michelle, our middle daughter who inspired its creation, along with her younger sister Mari, are both off to college. This leaves their dad and I with an empty nest. We feel like newlyweds, but ones who contantly check Facebook for sightings of our children.
Fall has brought other new experiences to our family. My niece Beth gave birth in September to Lily, the first grandchild in our extended family. The excitement of this happy event has been ongoing. And now, our oldest daughter Hilary is pregnant with her first baby.
I don't know why, but I've had a little trouble taking it in. Its amazing, and wonderful, and yet...she's still my baby. Granted, she's twenty-six years old and has been married and working away from home for a few years. But I still picture her heading out the door for her first day of school, her little blonde head neatly braided, her kindergarten backpack too large for her small frame. I see her smile as she turns to wave, her other hand safely tucked into her dad's as they head down the driveway for the walk to school. That moment, that first letting go, was bittersweet.
Along with the new beginning this baby represents for Hilary and Bob, and for us as grandparents, it also signals another letting go. Becoming a parent is the ultimate growing up experience. The moment one's baby is born, the world changes completely and for ever. An all encompassing love is born in that moment and the feelings of protection toward that helpless infant are unlike anything else in the world. For many of us, it is the first time that we are truly empowered as individuals, and finally feel the strength of our own abilities. What we have often been too uncertain of or afraid to do for ourselves, we will do for our children. As a woman gives birth to her child, so she gives birth to her new self as a mother, and her partner as a father. The whole family, grand parents included, are born again into a new way of being.
When May arrives, Hilary, I will embrace the new you, the warrior mother, your best grown up self. But at the same time,to quote Blake Shelton, the country singer, 'I don't care if you're eighty, you'll always be my baby.'

Why I Love La Leche League

2009-08-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when we look back over our shoulder, we catch a glimpse of the past streaming behind us, like a comet's tail. In that moment, we see the events of our lives with a clarity and perspective given only by the passage of time. Sifting through the multiple chapters of our life's experience, we can sum up the characters and events that have made us who we are, who we love, and why we love. We nod in relief at our wise decisions, and grieve our foolish ones. We can clearly see the impact of each decision,and the road taken as a result.
My road to La Leche league started with my sister Linda, who was told by our mother to "get the information, but for God's sake, don't join!" In an uncharacteristically rebellious manner (ha ha) Linda did indeed join,paving the way for the next five sisters.
Initially it was our introduction to mothering through breastfeeding. After that, they might as well have called the meetings "How to Empower Yourself and Become The Person You Were Meant To Be." Such was the effect of league on myself and my friends. My journey within this unique group of women took me past a fear of childbirth and into two empowered home births. In the year that I had my first vbac, every mother in our group except one was able to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean. Our leader, Dona, was a contributing factor in this. We learned about the power of good nutrition. Whole grains good; sugar bad. This was news to me! We learned to communicate more effectively with our children. "Hilary, the bed is not for jumping on," was a more effective statement than the more typical, "get the heck off the bed, you dumb kid, do you want to break your neck?" It sounds easy now, but believe me, a lot of work went into changing old parenting patterns. We learned how to stand up for ourselves and our children. I used to be such a fraidy cat. Its easy to surrender your values and ideals, and then complain later, but that kind of passive aggressive behavior leaves such a bad taste in the mouth. League taught me to stick up for myself, my children, and my beliefs.
I learned to trust my heart. When I had my first child, everyone had an opinion on how she should be raised. At La Leche League, I learned to listen to my baby and my own instincts. This led to the design of my first carrier, the babyTrekker, since attachment parenting is a concept highly promoted by league.
I finally got organized by being involved with La Leche League. Planning meetings, budgeting, and speaking in front of the group all prepared me for running my own business. I've made plenty of mistakes, and I'm not the world's most savvy business owner. But I'll tell you what. I'm a damned good mother. (Just ask my kids!) So thanks, La Leche League, and God bless all of you out there. Your mother to mother help meant more than you could ever know.

Face baby out in the carrier? Yes you can!

2009-06-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have no doubt that after writing this blog, I will be hauled off by the baby carrier police and hung forthwith, most likely in an inward facing, psychologically and physiologically correct position. In a recent discussion with a new kid on the block carrier designer, I was informed that people 'in the know' otherwise called 'babywearing experts' have decided that infants should no longer face outward in carriers. I tried at length to discover the basis for this new ruling. Studies? Research? Nada. She's not alone in her non specific concerns. There's a miasma of misinformation floating about this very subject on the internet. There is lots of concern expressed in various chat rooms around the world but no one has any actual information. Its just a 'feeling' people have, that babies shouldn't face outward. Vague references to spinal subluxations have been made. Lengthy discussions have ensued regarding the proper space a carrier should occupy between a baby's legs, and whether a child facing outward is 'hanging' rather than sitting. Our discussions with chiropractors, and information received via another company from pediatric orthopedic surgeon Dr. Klausdieter Parsch have clearly stated that as long as an infant is in a seated human position with a flexion of 90 degrees and an abudction of 45 degrees, then their spine is supported and this facilitates proper maturation of the hip joints. Speaking plainly, facing out is okay, as long as your baby's legs are sitting at a natural angle.
Another reason given for not facing babies away is that they need to spend time bonding with their parents. I believe that eye to eye contact with your baby is crucial. Its one of the great benefits of nursing. Perhaps, if you're spending a lot of time away from your baby, having them faced toward you in a carrier is a good idea. Otherwise, if you have lots of face time with your baby, and they're indicating that they'd like to look around for awhile, go for it. Babies have been people watching in the babyTrekker for 20 years, and in the babyBjorn for over 45 years. I'm fairly sure the Swedes would be up in arms if a correlation had been found between lack of bonding and the facing out position. There has been no research at all in this regard.
Can we give parents and babies credit for common sense? If a baby is uncomfortable or frightened, they let us know. And facing a baby out in a baby carrier, or sling, is not like facing them out in a stroller. When a young infant is placed in a stroller, especially facing out, they are alone in the world. They might as well be on the moon, their disconnect from you is so total. Babies don't have any idea that they are separate from you, so this is a scary thing indeed. But when a baby is carried in the outward facing position of a carrier, specifically the baby Trekker, their backs are pressed against your tummy and chest. Your breath is felt on their head, and your words are whispered in their ear. Your hands hold their hands, or their feet, and you talk as you go, explaining what you're doing, what you're seeing. Frankly, something fairly horrifying could happen within your baby's view, and because they would have no context for it, it would be meaningless. Faces they know, of course, and if you've ever had a baby faced out in a carrier on your chest, you know that they delight people who pass by. They see a series of smiling faces.
So, this is it. I'm writing to say, get over it. Stop with all the drama and let people parent their babies. Find a carrier that works for you, (though there's one I could recommend!) and spend lots of time holding your little one. You need it as much as they do, and you'll both be happier for it.
I have to go now...could somebody post my bail?

2009-03-26T16:41:00.000-07:00

I finished reading Ayaan Hirsi Ali's book, "Infidel," a few weeks ago, and it has stayed with me. As she escapes her old life to make a new one for herself, she discards the shackles of her faith and discovers reason. Her journey takes her from childhood to womanhood, and from Somalia to the Netherlands. Our North American lives are incredibly easy compared with the life of a young girl in Somalia. But something nagged at me while I read; a familiarity with the powerlessness she experienced as a young girl being circumcised, and as a young woman with no rights. And then I realized; that's how it feels to give birth in North America. At least, for me and many, many other women. I remember when my first daughter was born. I ended up with an unnecessary cesarean, and when I asked the surgeon if I could have a vaginal birth with my next baby, he told me that he wished his patients wouldn't try to think. Just leave everything up to him. And would we please stop reading! This happened a number of years ago, but from what I can see, not much has changed. I hired a midwife for my next two births, and was amazed by the difference.
What it comes down to is power. I had no power in the hospital. Though the nurses were unbelievably kind, I felt helpless. I wanted to be "good" so I didn't make any noise. All the attention was on the monitor, the drip, the catheter, etc.
When I had my babies at home, I made as much noise as I wanted. I roamed the house, got down on all fours, and used some fairly colorful language. With my third baby, I had a water birth. And I learned a lot about power. Having a baby does that for you anyway, but a birth that acknowledges the mother as the one in charge is an amazing experience.
When we parent, we teach our children about power. As a Christian, I read lots about parenting from "experts" and it usually involved baby crying it out, and mommy and daddy controlling and hitting. Fortunately, I found a lot of good books in my local La Leche League library that helped me discover the mother inside me that God wanted me to be. And I discovered the benefits of baby wearing. This was an aha! moment for me. When you listen to what your baby is telling you and respond appropriately, you empower your baby as well as yourself. You become tuned in, and life is easier. Your baby feels heard, and your relationship becomes a dance instead of a battle. A new father confessed his fear that his baby would become the 'boss' if he picked him up every time he cried. A 200 pound man worried about being controlled by an eight pound infant is a sad indictment of how far we've come from natural parenting. Why are we messing with creation and biology? Baby mammals need lots of touching. They need our reassuring voice and the up and down, back and forth movement of being carried in our arms or on our bodies in a carrier. The best message we can give our child is "You are worthy. You are special, beloved, and I am amazed by the unique, wonderfulness of you." Let's not kid ourselves. Our children wear our spoken and unspoken messages like tatoos pressed into their brains and hearts. If we only want to control, and not to understand, we have to ask ourselves; where does our anger comes from? Do we have our own deep wells of sadness that we're dealing with, that makes it hard to bear the outbursts of a tired toddler or the sometimes overwhelming need of a young baby? Asking the question makes finding the answer a little easier.
Parenting is the hardest journey. It's also satisfying, fulfilling and joyful, even with teenagers :). At the end of the day, we won't be thinking about the money we've made or the toys we've acquired. Because as we age, and our children become the caregivers, we'll find the measure of our success, and get to answer the all important question. Have we taught them the power of love?

Parenting Makeover? Yes we Can!

2008-11-30T20:28:00.000-08:00

A recent study out of Scotland by Dr. Suzanne Zeedyk has suggested that infants who face away from their parents in strollers are less likely to talk, laugh and interact with others. It was a small experiment involving just twenty babies, but it brings to mind studies of infants raised in orphanages during the early 1900s who often died during their first year of life, or were severely retarded in their physical and mental growth. It was discovered that by hiring extra staff who had more time for holding and talking to the babies, death rates dropped and the infants had a chance to develop normally.
We know that all humans, adults included, need touch and interaction. Parenting conveniences today such as swings, hard bucket carriers, infant seats and strollers have taken the place of a parent’s arms. No one will argue that life is fast paced and people are expected to accomplish much in their day. With so many families needing two incomes, parents often arrive home exhausted, and a swing that comforts their little one while they cook dinner and clean the house can seem like a God send. But I think today’s parents are hostages, not only of an economy that leaves less time for family, but also of a society that once again demands that we keep our babies at arms length.
I had a call from a customer a few months ago who wanted a baby carrier, but one that wouldn’t interfere in the line of her jacket, because it was very important for her to have a polished, put together look. I was speechless. This young mother not only had to cope with her job and her young infant, but also society’s expectations of her as a “yummy mummy.” Anyone who watches television knows about the proliferation of shows that demand makeovers, whether its houses, wardrobes, or a person’s physical appearance. Well what about this: what if we demand a society makeover? I want a culture that insists on parents being allowed to take their babies to work, or at least have them close at hand. I want to experience a society that cares about the mental and emotional welfare of the family. I want to see parents encouraged to wear their babies and share the close physical contact that is necessary to all primates on the planet, including humans. A teddy bear is fine as a toy, but it’s no substitute for the warm touch of a parent. Hard plastic seats prove to not only deprive infants emotionally, but may also cause back problems for them in the future. Pediatricians, at least reputable ones, no longer counsel parents to leave a crying baby unattended. They know that this sends a message to the child that they might as well soothe themselves, because no one is coming to the rescue. Self soothing for adults can translate into drug, alcohol and sexual abuse, so what about if we just start meeting our infants needs, and our own instead? Let’s wear our babies. Let’s be a society that cares more about the feelings of our children than the label on our clothing. Let’s take what we know to be true and act on it.
So when you’ve had a hard day either at work or around the house, strap on your carrier and while you’re preparing dinner, tell your baby all about your day. When you’re shopping in the mall, wear your baby and talk about everything you’re seeing, or if they’re too old for a carrier, talk to them while you push them in the stroller. Ignore your cell phone, and let this part of your day be about the two of you. Believe me, when they’re sixteen and want to go to a party, you’re going to appreciate the connection.
Happy Trekking.

Breastfeeding in the BabyTrekker

2008-07-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my big sister Linda for writing this article. She is a La Leche League leader, a certified lacatation consultant, and, as we like to call her in our family, the "Grand Poobah" of breastfeeding information.

Nurturing your baby through breastfeeding is a natural way to meet both of your needs. Satisfying your baby’s hunger as soon as he shows hunger signs teaches him that the world is a safe place to live. Breasts are multi-purposeful , providing comfort, ease, distraction and attachment. Your body can provide comfort when she hurts, distraction when she’s fussy, ease when you need to get things done and she wants to be held, and increased bonding every time you hold her.

The babyTrekker was created by Judy, a busy mother who breastfed on the go right from the start. You may be wondering how to breastfeed in the Trekker. I know some of you have had experience with other carriers that don’t contain this possibility in their design.

I often start at the beginning. If I met you during your pregnancy, I would encourage you to get a doula (www.dona.com), which often helps to reduce birth interventions that may interfere with breastfeeding. Of course I share information about attending a LLL meeting (www.LLLI.org) or a local breastfeeding group so that you can see and hear some great suggestions for a wonderful start.

Next I would advocate for you to have your brand new baby placed skin to skin on your belly immediately after birth. If that’s not possible, skin to skin contact as soon as possible after the birth to help begin the hormonal and emotional connection between the two of you. Baby’s naked chest against yours will awaken your baby’s instinctual need to start moving towards his earliest place of comfort, your breast. Her little toes will dig in, her eyes and hands will search for the target, she’ll smell her hand which should still have some amniotic fluid on it which smells like your breastmilk. Often she’ll search with her hand to feel the bump of your nipple and she will bob, and move towards it. You can offer some guidance by placing your hand on his back or his bum. The baby who starts out this way often instinctually digs her chin into the breast, opens her mouth wide and latches on beautifully. Health professionals refer to this as an asymmetrical latch. http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/bla.html Ask for help if you need it from your health provider, a La Leche Leader www.LLLI.com or a lactation consultant www.ilca.org.

The babyTrekker is set up perfectly for comfortable nursing. To nurse on the right breast, loosen the left shoulder strap to bring your baby in a diagonal position with your baby’s nose opposite to your nipple. With the palm of your hand between baby’s shoulders, you can make sure the baby’s chest nestles against yours. Allow your baby’s head to tip back slightly, so her chin comes against your breast first. He can then grasp a good portion of the areola, and you don’t have to hold your breast. You may have a baby who gets her hand in the way, remember this is an instinctual move on the baby’s part, she’s smelling and feeling for your nipple. Let her bob forward or lunge onto your breast, it’s right there, free for a nibble and a nap.
Judy’s sister (also Canadian eh!
Babies are either he or she so I am alternating them to be inclusive.
babyTrekkers are also multi-purposeful, and these same reasons apply.

Crazy in Flin Flon, or, could I have some wine with my Whine?

2008-06-10T13:33:00.000-07:00

2008 could end up being my most challenging, exciting, frightening, and creative year ever. This year I decided to tweak the design of my babyTrekker carrier, and manufacture it here in Canada, in organic cotton. Well, why not add a few other products, like the stirrups that will be coming out at the end of June? Of course, that means new packaging to be designed, new tags, instructions, new photos, and so on. One doesn't realize that an idea is the edge of a toe on a long row of dominoes. Run with that idea, and everything spills over. Add to that Michelle's graduation from University in May, Mari-Anne's graduation from high school in June, her 18th birthday in early July,and Hilary's wedding in August and I think we can safely say that we have a full agenda for the next few months. But wait! Its also homecoming in Flin Flon, at the end of June. Lots of family are coming to town, as well as three or four thousand acquaintances. Of course, our community choir will be performing on the last night of the celebrations. I'm sure that I'm leaving something out, because it doesn't sound half as busy as we're all feeling.
The problem with being so busy is that each of these things is wonderful in and of itself, and deserves my full attention. Mari-Anne, our baby, is graduating! Thirteen years of "Get up, its time for school, have you done your homework, where is your science fair project!" are coming to a close, and I have to admit...its mostly a relief. There are precious memories involved here, even if its a little harder the third time around. We have (mostly) loved the Christmas and piano concerts, the soccer and basketball games, the birthday parties, sleepovers, and working well into the night on strange popsicle stick projects. We have faithfully attended parent teacher nights, and cheered ourselves hoarse at various events. We have read literally thousands of bedtime stories, in fact I think Hilary was 17 when I stopped reading to her at bedtime. Bedtime stories are my favorite memories of all.
So I want to focus on one thing at a time, if I may. I will leave Mari's birthday for July's blog, so there's one item off the list. I'll consign Hilary's wedding to the August blog, again, lightening up the page. Homecoming...well, its a wonderful thing, and once I clean my house, I'll be more than ready for my 400 relatives. But my life as the mother of a child at school is coming to a close, and that needs to be honored, and pondered over for a time. I'm feeling so... so... yeehaaaaaaa! No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers...well my husband is a teacher, and poor Mari has received a few dirty looks from both of us over the years. Yes, I have fond memories from all the years at Parkdale school, and then Hapnot High, but to never have to bug her again about her schoolwork! Well, we'll be so close now, it'll frighten the both of us. I know she'll move on to higher education, after a year of work and travel, but frankly, that will be her problem. Now, I know that the experts would tell me that it was always her problem, but that's not how it felt. Somehow, I always felt the weight of her essays and math exams far more than she did. Well, its over now, and I've passed. I think.
On June 25th, I will walk out of The Whitney Forum, (which, sadly, is where our ceremonies take place) and be all grown up. Yet without gray hair and a hump on my back. "Its all good", to quote my niece, Heather. So here's looking at you, Mari. Have a wonderful grad...we're behind you all the way...really. I won't say any more, because I'll be torturingyou in July's blog about your birthday.

Happy Graduation, Michelle!

2008-04-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

I started this blog a few days ago, writing about the change in weather, and the endings and beginnings involved as winter turns to spring. Then I realized, what I really wanted to talk about was my daughter, Michelle. She is graduating from university this May, and though she may continue her education at some point, this is both an ending and a beginning for her. She is 21 years old, and I couldn’t even picture this day when she was a young baby, unhappy with the world. My heart and mind were too filled with solving the problem of her distress. One babyTrekker design and 21 years of life later, I can really see the changes as her life has unfolded.
Michelle has always felt things deeply, and this continued when she got out of the “fussy” stage. When she was a baby, she was letting me know in the best way she could that all was not right in her world. How glad I am that I listened to her cries for help, and didn’t plop her in a crib and shut the door. What a message that would have sent.
I think vibrant is too mild a word for Michelle. She brings enthusiasm to everything she does, whether its sports, or schoolwork. She is open and honest about her feelings, and deals very directly with everybody. I’m so proud of the person that she has become and is becoming.
She plays an interesting and important role in our family. If you need straight talk, an honest opinion about an outfit, or a wider perspective, Michelle’s your girl. Her candor is never hurtful, though. She has a lot of wisdom for a girl her age.
One of my favorite things about Michelle is her independent spirit. She started undressing herself around 8 months old, and by the time she turned two, she was dressing herself completely, and picking out her own outfits. She had strong opinions, and though we clashed from time to time, I got a kick out of the way she expressed herself. My two favorite things she said when she was four are, “Are we real, or just a dream in God’s head?” and “That damn government” on finding out that the parade of lights was cancelled. That last part was definitely shades of her grandfather!
I’m celebrating you, Michelle, in the month of April. I’m so proud of all your achievements, and the wonderful person that you are. As I watch your life unfold, I know there are wonderful things waiting for you. Your dad and I feel blessed to have you for a daughter. Happy Graduation honey!

Raise your baby to be a great teenager

2008-03-05T14:18:00.000-08:00

Last weekend I had the privilege of watching my youngest daughter Mari’s basketball team win their zone championship, and a spot in the upcoming provincial games. I watched her face as the buzzer went to signal the end of the game, and it was lit with such pure joy that it became one of those pleasure/pain moments that fill you up and catch in your throat at the same time. The team rushed together with hugs and cheers, and it was beautiful to watch.
These are the moments that you can’t imagine when you’re slogging through another day with a fussy baby. I remember when Mari was born, and we realized that though not as unhappy as Michelle had been (an 8 on the Richter scale) she still had things to work out before she was content to be in the world. I carried her daily in the babyTrekker, and nightly too, for that matter, if you count the late evenings. My husband would spell me off, and take Mari for long walks in the woods near our house, while I put our two other daughters to bed. She was a dear baby, a quirky, fun toddler, and is a calm and (mostly) restful teenager. Like her sisters, she is very athletic, and seems to excel at all sports. This is a cause of awe and puzzlement to me, since I was the child who was picked last for dodge ball (or any ball, for that matter.) I confess… I relish this part of my children’s life; that they experience so much joy from their participation in team sports. I also live vicariously through Mari during her games, as all athletically challenged parents do when their child surprises them with a natural ability. I draw the line at screaming at refs, though.
Lately I’ve been making the connection between how we relate to our teenagers in comparison to how we related to them as infants. Though we’ve had our eye rolling moments, and “you totally don’t trust me” times, I feel blessed to be with my children, and enjoy their company so much. I know that feeling is reciprocated, and it feels like a benediction. I tell my customers, “go ahead and wear your baby all day…it won’t spoil them! Share sleep…nurse for as long as you want to, and don’t let anyone say when but you and your baby. Do anything that creates that strong invisible cord between you that won’t be cut by age, or attitude, or even distance. By letting your heart be the road map of your relationship, you’re telling your baby every day, “I trust you, and I’m listening to you. I hear you.” And the teenager remembers.
All those moments our family has shared…from camping with three week old Mari and two children with rampant diarrhea, to reading Harry Potter together way past midnight, to water sliding in the backyard, to first parties, and first boyfriends and onward. These are the moments you don’t think about when they are babies, but they come, and the cord of trust that you develop with your infant still connects you to your teenager. And interestingly enough, the stronger the bond, the easier it is for them to make their way in the world. It’s like math: love + trust = independence. You trust your infant to teach you how to parent, and your children trust you because you are there for them. And then they see the world as a place where anything is possible.